he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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