The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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