Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
