umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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