the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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