We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
