im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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