So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize