Cold hands, warm shart.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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