dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
