so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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