suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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