sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
They have beer where we have blood.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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