I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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