Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
