I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
