then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
