When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
