I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
