he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
