once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize