Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
