He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
