you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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