omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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