i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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