i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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