things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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