I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
