I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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