The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
