That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
