I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
