I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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