UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
