How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
