Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
