i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
