It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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