I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize