a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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