I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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