Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
