why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
