3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
