Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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