Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
