im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
