Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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