god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
