I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
