dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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