If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize