one might say we're banned from that church
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
