I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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