i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
