sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize