If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
