i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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