I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize